BROKEN HEART

 

Some time after my attempt to commit suicide, exactly a week after the experience i went through, i pay visit to my sister in-law where i noticed when she opening the door that two people, a man and a woman were gather round the sitting room table and it seems obvious that i have interrupt their discussion. I  therefore propose to wait in the kitchen while taking some coffee. When my sister in-law were going to this couple i wander if these people are representant of household article or a collection of larousse. They may be member of  Jehovah witnesses.

 

I heard, despite myself, the bearded man talk about the need of man to share all his problem with his creator and any others things that i would have been glad to have more details. However, i did not pay close attention to what was said for my principles are against any religious tought preach from house to house.

 

I have already seen some tenacious jehovah witness on duty, so i avoid to provok them even if there was any sign of curiosity.

 

The bearded man were often interrupt by the woman and she argued in favour to what the man said as to add a feminine touch in order to help my sister in law to be at ease. At the end of their discussion , they decide to leave and the man standing at the door step give a kind of prospectus to my sister in law, and come to the kitchen to shake my hand in sign of goodbye, the woman did it as well.

 

I have never read that prospectus neither seen the address attached to a free invitation. Once the door closed, my sister in  law breath in a good while and said with ease i think they will never leave me alone.................. fortunatly, they saw you waiting for me.

 

Some days later, precisely one Sunday morning, a violente discussion occured between my wife and I, some insults and some dishes broken on the floor! Having decide to abandon my home , I pick my car and drive without any precise aim through the city centre of Epinal while thinking about our quarel.

 

I parked the car at a deserted place, and left it to walk through an unknown area. I look round to see if there is any coffee bar. While walking along the road side, i pass by a double glass door, granulated yellow, through which i saw some light. what catch my attention and make me turn my head toward that door is a bizzare song like the one sing in a choir school. Do any one who hear a cantique mention this kind of appreciation? I do not no, but that is my opinion! I firstly look on the small board fixed on the wall for explanation, and it was written “ christian mission” entry free.

 

As it was precisely 12h20, I wander if that is not a rehearsal. After deduction, considering the entry was free and open.  Beside, the experience I just went through, after attempting to commit suicide led me to God in such a miraculous way ; I think and said may be it is God who send me to this place.

 

Courageously, I postponed my appointment with a bar and move in the dark. At first, I pointed my nose through the lightly open door to survey the environment. Then , my head followed and with a glance , I amazingly saw a row of chair on which were siting some people with head lowered mumbling some words in a language unknown to me.

 

None of them notice my presence for all their backs were turn toward me and many of them seems to be in trance!!! Then I enter discretly and sat on a chair arrange in the last row. That has not take me 10 second to scrutinise the place that a man stood up, turned suddenly toward me by calling me this way: ah! It is you! Come near to me.

 

Horror! It was the bearded man! I made a sign with my finger to say no but he insited till he humuliated me in front of these people who were now gazing at me. Then, surrounding me with his hands , he lead me to the first row. I recognised the woman who followed him, his companion I mean. I found myself caught in a mousetrap and I felt the inquisitorial looks of these assembly who will surely devore me as soon as the meeting is over.

 

The paster ask my name , confirm the fact of seing me in my sister in-law house and thanks me of responding to their invitation but declare to be suprise to see me at the fasting and prayer meeting instead of evangelism meeting which took place at 15h pm.

 

I did not dare open my mouth before this unknown public, so I let them believed that my eagerness to see them made me come so early.

 

I started feeling a new air as soon as some prayers arise behind me. These prayers were awsome and so new to me, this spontaneity of formulating demand before God, exposing feeling, this freedom of talking in the form of song and these “ spoken in tongue” that I assimilate to oriental and asiatic language but not understandable and somehow babarous, yes all this created a new air.

 

Many questions embarrasing me when the bearded man stood before the desk: pastor Jean Loup SALZMAN.

 

He ask us to open the bible on a quoted passage! The bible? I wandered! I should have bringing mine...........            if I had known! A hand behind me held a small bible out to me at the stated page. I thank the person and  got lost in the midst of these verses while the pastor was reading.

 

I noticed that the old testament is still in vogue and link to the new , in addition they added many books to my four evangiles! I, who thought there was only four books! Looking at the content of that bible, I thought it will take me only three days to be able to finish reading, and  I finaly resoluted myself to compare it to my own then I decide to have one bible from that place.

 

But why the library proposed me old or new testament?

 

Finaly, the pastor started a short preaching. Firstly, I thought of a put up job. But who is responsible for? I do not know, but that tput up job had been well prepared, for the pastor was talking about the importance of our life before God and the value we mean to him. He also said, some destroyed their life with sins, alcool and some other things and also those who do not know the love of God for them attempt to put an end to their life.

 

At the end of the preaching, I could not stop crying in my hands. My heart got broken. I felt an hand on my shoulder while the pastor was praying and everybody pray louder for me. The more they prayed more I cried ( a liquide prayer............may be...............no doubt)

 

I remained for the second meeting where many people came and greeted me. I had never felt such simplicity and love anywhere than in that place , surround by people unknown to me though they make me feel at ease. I had never had that feeling before.

 

Up to that day at Epinal and since five years now, I had not left this assembly neither touch cigarette, alcool. I did it overnight without any pain.